


Accidental Arson

by DumbLikeBreadxP



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Gen, Sketchy America, Wrote this in a trance during math class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28354350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbLikeBreadxP/pseuds/DumbLikeBreadxP
Summary: Italy just wanted pasta.
Relationships: Germany & North Italy (Hetalia)
Kudos: 5





	Accidental Arson

"Ve!~ Doitsu! Doitsu! I'm on the FBI watchlist-a!" Italy shouted from beside him at the beginning of the lunch break.

Germany stared at Italy incredulously.

"Mein, Gott! What did you do?" 

"I committed arson! I burned down 167 acres of land, Doitsu! It was an accident. Please believe me, Doitsu!"

Germany choked.

"H-How much land did you say?"

"I said 167 acres, Doitsu! Most of it was being used by some sketchy government agency! I was scared. They all came up in these black vans. I thought they were going to disappear me!"

"What did they make you do? Did you have to pay a fine?"

"No! They let me go free!"

Germany shot Italy a skeptical look.

"They let you go free?"

"Ve!~ But I think it was because America was there. A bunch of these people in black suits came out of their cars and started giving me this scary look that said, 'you're in trouble!'. I didn't know what to do. Then this super shiny red and blue car with a bunch of white stars came speeding right out in front of all of the other cars! Then, before it was even able to stop, out hopped America! He was like, 'Hey, dudes! He's all cool. Don't shoot!' Then they were all like, 'Whaaaa???' and then he was like, 'He's a friend. No sketch! Just let him go with a warning.'"

"Wait, why was America-"

"Sup, dudes! Watcha talking about?" 

"Ve!~"

Germany did a double-take. 

"Where did you come from?!" 

America bore into his soul with dead eyes and an empty grin.

"I heard y'all talking. About me."

"Uhm." 

Germany glanced at Italy.

"What were y'all talking about?"

"America! I was just telling Doitsu about yesterday!"

America nodded with an approving glint in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah! When I saved you, right? I'm The Hero!"

"Yesterday?" asked Germany. They were all the way in London!

"Ve!~"

There was a beat of silence.

"What were those people about anyways, America?" Italy asked.

"They were there because you burned down like a buttload of land, dude!"

"I know! But what do they-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That's a funny joke, Italy!"

Italy laughed with America.

America abruptly stopped laughing and stared into Italy's eyes.

"Stop asking questions."

"Ve?~"

"You heard what I said. If any info gets leaked, I'll know who it was. You better watch yourself and make sure that doesn't happen." 

America started exuding an intense atmosphere.

There was a pause, and Germany thought he could see Italy start shaking.

"What are you talking about, America?" asked Italy.

"If you know, you know. But it's better if you don't."

"What are you insinuating would happen, America?" Germany asked lowly.

America's mouth twisted into a shark-like grin.

"Something you definitely would not like, Germany."

America placed a hand on Italy's shoulder.

"Whatever you may or may not have come across on your little burning spree will remain secret. Do you know how hard it was to explain how 167 acres of land went up into flames? Do you think they'd really buy that you just wanted to cook some pasta? They thought you were either some pyromaniac or a terrorist. Consider it a great mercy that I brushed it all away for you. You do not want to know what will happen if you tell anyone any smidgen about any intellect you may have found. Bite your tongue. If not for your sake, then for his."

America jerked his head over at Germany.

Italy scarcely managed to nod.

Implications hung heavy in the air, and America allowed them to fester and bloom.

"Anyways!" America innocently shouted as he turned and walked out of the meeting room, "I heard that there was this awesome diner across the street. I'm going to make use of this remaining bit of the lunch break and check it out. The Hero is out!"

His laugh echoed throughout the meeting room even after the door slammed shut.

Germany looked around to see the other nations' reactions. The few that still remained looked just like always. It was as if no one had even noticed what happened.

He looked back down at Italy. 

"That was scary," said Italy.

There was a moment of silence.

Italy brightened right back up.

"Ve!~ We should go eat some pasta, Doitsu!"

Germany stared at Italy in disbelief.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! This is my first completed fic. Comments, kudos, and everything else is always appreciated! Any feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


End file.
